While reading through the Gospel of John this summer, I am also reading through “White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard For White People to Talk About Racism” by Robin DiAngelo and I can’t help but see the similarities.
As a white Hispanic woman who walks through the world with white privilege, I find myself getting defensive about issues of race – especially when things come up that suggest I am wrong.
In one of the many passages where Jesus criticizes the religious authorities, He said: “You search the scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that testify on my behalf. Yet you refuse to come to me to have life… I know that you do not have the love of God in you.” – John 5:39
Just like the Pharisees, I read my Bible daily thinking that somehow this saves me from systemic racism and social injustice. Just like the Scribes, I assume that going to church every Sunday and working as a Youth Director somehow exempts me from taking advantage of my white privilege for my own benefit. I am not comfortable with deep, critical self-reflection. I don’t like change and personal sacrifice and I would prefer to hear words of affirmation instead of hearing when I am wrong.
I see myself reflected more in the voices of the religious authorities than I do in the boy with the fish and bread, the bleeding woman or the blind man. Reading and studying John’s words helps me to see my pride and privilege more clearly. And because of God’s grace, I am inspired to change.
The Gospel of John is inspiring me to let things go so that I may have a richer mental and emotional life. The religious authorities refused to come to Jesus to have life. I too am tempted when I am frustrated, hurt and angry to try and control things instead of going to Jesus to re-center myself.
God has forgiven me, so I must forgive others. God is continuously gracious to me, so I must be gracious with others. God doesn’t lash out at me or dismiss my pain or ignore my concerns (especially when they are unreasonable) so I too must have mercy for others. My loving Father/Mother is always ready to hear my needs. I need to remember this when self-reflection feels difficult. My white privilege does not exempt me from the moral responsibility of antiracist work. Nor does my knowledge of the Bible.